abiding in love

three beautiful things today:

1.  just had my final "body mind spirit" class today with Dr. Barbara Lockhart (she's a spiritual genius.  read her 1992 devotional on self-worth here.)  i met some wonderful people in that class, had many beautiful insights, and really grew intellectually, physically, and emotionally.  one of the friends in that class, sherry, has a blog that i think you'd like.  she shares her thoughts about a lot of self-worth, beauty, and similar health topics.


2.  mat kearney = my go-to artist.  if you don't know that about me by now... well, now you know.  ;)  i swear i'll never get sick of this music.  his whole album called "nothing left to lose" is aaaaaahhhhmazing.


3.  winter semester has been hard, but so good.  and i'm going to share some very personal, but generalizable (see the external validity?  sorry, that's the future researcher coming out of me) things i've learned... [take a deep breath, i don't normally do this!]

some things happened between last semester and this one that kind of shook my world, and made me question my worth.  for the past few months now, i've been on a sort of roller-coaster/epic journey of emotions, insights, mistakes, introspection (both good and bad), scripture searching, journal writing and reading, interviewing, praying, crying, serving, drawing, pondering, writing, reading... and here is basically what I've come up with, summed up in my final paper for Body Mind Spirit.  i call it "Abiding in Love."

the main points are these:

1. i am incredibly mean to myself.  and i hate it.
2. God's second great commandment is to love thy neighbor as thyself (matthew 22:39).  you can't truly love your neighbor if you don't also love yourself.
3. any thing is worth as much as someone is willing to pay for it. (thought from my new testament professor, hank smith.)
• Christ paid an incredible price for each and every one of us through the atonement, and His crucifixion, and resurrection.
• "the worth of souls is great in the sight of God."  there is no higher price that can be paid.  no greater worth to be had.
4. as desperately as we try, we cannot obtain worth from external sources such as image, beauty, intelligence, worldly esteem, possessions, fitness, etc.--these things change.  if we measure our worth by external things, our self-esteem goes up and down, always changing, and never being good enough.  our true worth comes from the pure love of God, which is stable secure, and absolute.
5. we can feel God's love through:
1. sincere, heart-felt prayer
• it takes time, but He will answer.
2. living in love
1. have faith to believe in God's love for you, and for others.  believe in your incredible worth.  have the courage to embrace the vulnerability that true love requires.
2. let go of selfishness by serving God and others.

My closing paragraph:

"But it won’t all happen at once.  And it’s not an easy journey—I know.  But more importantly, I know that my Redeemer lives, and that He will help me through this.  As I pray, cultivate love, serve others, and keep God’s commandments, I "shall abide in [His] love; even as [He has] kept [our] Father’s commandments, and [abides] in his love” (John 15:10).  And the beautiful thing is, I probably won’t even realize it while it’s happening.  Like Nephi, who was proactive in creating a new bow instead of moaning about his broken one (1 Nephi 16), I can be actively and cheerfully engaged in prayer, love, and service, instead of dwelling on my mistakes, or the discrepancy between where I am and where I want to be.  I can “clear away the bad according as the good shall grow… until the good shall overcome the bad” (Jacob 5:66) and I will be so full of love that I can’t help but share it with the world."

thanks for reading.  i know it's a lot to swallow.

i hope you read the scripture references i mentioned (if you don't recognize them, they're probably in the Book of Mormon.  great book, i highly recommend it).  pray to feel God's love for you.  cultivate that love through faith, service to others, and obedience to His commandments.  just as He's helping me, He'll help you.

you are wonderful.  i am wonderful.  we can do this, because God will help us.

{peace}